Saturday, September 26, 2009
So, here I start again! This will be the last time that I have to start again because this is for life.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I am just so frustrated with myself. It's so easy to say I'm not going to stress eat, but so difficult to do. When does your mind set change? When do you stop reaching for food because you're upset? Is there an "aha" moment that it finally sinks in that that's not going to help, it's only going to hurt? I'm still so stressed, but I've got to get this weight off of me. I feel like I have to start all over again and I'm terrified to weigh, but I know I've got to do it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I've gained it all back. I will be going to my meeting on Saturday, though. I rode my stationary bike for 20 minutes so far today. I am journaling again. I'm drinking my water again. So, at this moment in time, I'm back OP. I've just got to keep myself that way!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I started the week out well exercising, but by the end of the week it had fallen off. I got busy with work and said to myself that I just didn't have the time. If ever there was a WW meeting topic that was timely, it was this week's. We basically talked about how important it is to take care of yourself. I got to thinking, you know, I can find time to watch plenty of television, why can't I find the time to actually walk or workout? Well, today, I did it. I walked for an hour and ten minutes.
It was kind of funny, too. When I first started walking, I took the dogs. We really need to teach Ricky the appropriate way to walk with someone. He's all over the place, marking every tree, bush, leave, whatever, trying to chase squirrels, birds, other dogs, all the while pulling me and Poochie behind him. I have to say, though, he also gives my arms a workout, which is probably a great thing. Anyway, I had only made it about 1/2 a block and my back was really hurting. I thought, oh, no, I have another excuse for not walking. Then I decided, you know what, I'm going to work through the pain. Before long, I'm not sure when it happened, I no longer felt the back pain. Actually, I didn't realize it wasn't hurting anymore until after I got home from my over two-mile walk. I was amazed!
So, that's one day down.......
Saturday, March 14, 2009
This last couple of weeks, I've been kind of down in the dumps. Not really depressed, just not very happy. I find that when I get in that kind of mood, I don't eat right and end up making bad choices. Last week was a disaster and I ended up gaining a pound. I didn't go to my WW meeting because I got swamped with work, everybody needing everything back now! I was staying up way too late working, struggling to keep my eyes open, so what did I do? I went to find something to eat. Really, bad idea. I had a hard time through the first three days of the week, but then refound my focus and stayed OP the rest of the week.
I went to WI this morning fully expecting another gain, but I must have done something right, because I lost 4.8 lbs (makes up for that pound last week). I was very excited. This puts my total weight loss at 25.4 lbs since January. I've thought about it and why maybe I lost. I'm thinking that maybe because I didn't totally beat myself up when I made the wrong choices, looked at as just a bump in the road, it helped me not feel like a failure and I was able to get back OP.
My goal this week is to remain OP all week and stay that way. Also, to get back to exercising! I did well for a while, but now have fallen woefully short in that category. This will work, I just have to work it.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I also need to make sure and stay on the computer visiting other blogs, the WW boards, the Fabulous Fit Club and working to help other people. I find that when I do that, then it helps me stay OP. We can all do this, and we will!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Right now I'm resisting the urge to go eat a candy bar (chocolate, of course). I'm such an emotional eater and my son hurting has got that candy bar calling my name! I know things will get better. It's just convincing my son they'll get better.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Hope everyone has a very happy Valentine's day!
Monday, February 9, 2009
What do I want to talk about today? Well, I think I'll discuss those two servings of good oils I'm supposed to be getting in today. This has got to be the hardest thing to get in. No. 1, who wants to waste 2 points on oil? Not me! We discussed this in my WW meeting on Saturday. I didn't realize how very important it is, though, either. I was informed that it helps deter hair loss, dry skin, constipation. No wonder my hair is so thin! I don't think I've ever gotten in those good oils. The other two, yeah, I have to deal with that, too. Not fun!
So, my goal for the week is to get in two servings of "good" oils every day. So far so good, but the olive oil I have just tastes yucky. Does anyone know any oils that taste good? I added this olive oil I have to my oatmeal yesterday, and it just didn't taste good. Today I added it to my oatmeal, along with applesauce. The applesauce helped tremendously! I'm making taco soup for dinner tonight, so I'll probably add it to my bowl of soup and see if I can handle it that way.
Anyone have any ideas?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
So, did I learn anything this week? You betcha'! Working out does help in weight loss! It really shouldn't have taken me this long to really figure it out.
Friday, January 30, 2009
I thought it was pretty good, except the chicken seemed a little dry to me. Probably my cooking, though, rather than the recipe. :-D My beautify DD absolutely loved it. She wasn't feeling well yesterday and stayed home from school; but, boy, did she have an appetite last night. She ate approximately three pieces of the chicken and enjoyed them tremendously. I added some Mrs. Dash Southwest Chipolte seasoning to the recipe because we like a little spice. I think next time I'll try it without it. We'll definitely be having this recipe again.
I'm sure most people have had this, but in case you haven't and would like the recipe, it's in the Favorite recipes section on my website: http://tdhild.webs.com/
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I love my bike so much I have worked out on it every day since I got it for 30 minutes a day. I really kicks my behind, but it feels great and I feel like I've really accomplished something when I get done!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
How much do you want this?
Oh, it's really easy to say, I want this more than anything in the world. But do you really? What are you willing to do? Are you willing to give up some TV time to work out? Are you ready to cut back on the foods that you ate that helped contribute to the problem with weight that you have now?
How much do I want this?
I want it enough I will be working out at least six out of seven days. I want it enough to push myself when I just don't think I can do it. I want this enough that I will eat more healthy. I want this enough that even when I do stumble, I will get right back on program and work harder to help decrease the impact of the stumble.
So, how much do you want this?
My husband went out and bought me a recumbent exercise bike yesterday (Saturday). We're going to try to get it put together today. I'm so excited. I tried one like it out in the store and find I really like it. It's so quiet. I'm going to set it up in the living room and ride it while watching TV. Who can beat that, watching TV and working out at the same time? Doing it that way will also keep my mind from wandering to food as I sit on the sofa vegetating in the evenings!
Thanks for all your support!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I've decided that I need to feel important to me. I need to realize that if I get healthy, so many other things will improve. I feel better, I'll look better, and I'll be able to keep up with my husband and kids. I'm getting the food in control, now I need to feel important enough to me to get out and get healthy with movement!
This is going to be tough, putting myself first, but to do this, to lose this weight, I've got to learn to do it! So, keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I try to learn this lesson....
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
As I sit here contemplating the future, I can't help but get caught up in the political excitement of the future. I'll admit, I didn't vote for Barack Obama (although I did think about it), I can't help, as I listen to his speeches, but become hopeful that this one man might carry through on his promises. He speaks of we're all Americans and, although we're all different, we should work to get along; there may be great differences of opinions, but we should all respect those differences. It all sounds wonderful. I don't agree with several of President Obama's positions, but I hope he can get stuff done. Will what he says move Congress to do anything to work together? Passion fuels the ability to get things done. Can we be passionate about something, but still respect somebody who feels passionate about the opposite thing? We can only hope so.
I personally feel if the people see Congress, Republicans and Democrats and Independents, all working together to make things better for the country, actually compromising with each other instead of fighting each other over every little detail, not agreeing on one thing, then maybe the whole political discourse and hatred that is in the country today will decrease. Will there ever come a time where people of different political leanings can actually have a conversation about politics without being ugly and hateful to each other? Change must start within ourselves. We can't change others. There must be an air of compassion and compromise! I read somewhere the comment, it's better to always be kind than to always be right! Can the country ever think in those terms?
As I said before, sitting here watching all the pomp and circumstance of this day, I can't help but be hopeful with the "words" being said. Now, I only hope that those words turn into action. I truly believe if they do, our country will be in a much better place in four years. Whether the economy is better, the war is over, terrorists just around the corner wanting to destroy us, if we, as Americans, can all just learn to be kind to one another, whether we agree or not, and help one another, the country will only benefit and become that hopeful place we once were!
Monday, January 19, 2009
I've been thinking about that. It's true, hamburgers, tacos, Chinese, Schlotzsky's, etc., did help put the weight on me; but I chose to eat them. I chose to eat them in large quantities. Now, I'm choosing not to eat them -- at least not in great quantites. If I went into this weight loss thing thinking I would never again be able to eat a Big Mac or Mexican or Chinese or whatever, I wouldn't be able to do it. I know there are going to be those days that I know I'm going to want a hamburger or a taco and if I think, no, you can't have that, then I'm going to feel deprived. I'll start feeling sorry for myself thinking I can't enjoy the foods I like even a little bit. Then I'll give up! I know me too well.
To me, this is a journey to a lifestyle change. It's me learning to eat things that are healthy, not full of sugar and fat. It's me learning that if I have a hamburger or taco, it's not going to destroy everything I'm working hard to do. It's also knowing that if I eat 10 hamburgers or tacos, that's not so good and can mess me up, but it won't destroy me as long as I get right back on program. It's me learning that there are going to be times that I'll turn to food for comfort, but it's what I do after I slip that's going to matter. Am I going to let it defeat me as I have so many times in the past? Am I going to beat myself up and make myself feel guilty because I ate something that's "forbidden"? Or am I just going to write it down and move on, realizing that no one's perfect and we all stumble once in a while on a long journey!
When I look at and listen to my WW leader (who lost over 50 lbs on the program and has kept it off something like ten years) and I see her allowing herself a treat of M&Ms every once in a while, I realize that you need to allow yourself the "flexibility" of having what you want once in a while. I just need to make sure to allow for it in my daily "points." If I eat a package of M&Ms, then I need to increase that amount of fruits and vegetables the rest of the day or work out a little more. It's all a balancing act. "Skinny" people have learned that, I'm sure.
A prime example of this is my DD. She's 16, wears a size 5 (which are getting big on her), and loves fiery hot Cheetos with limon. On top of the Cheetos, she loves to dip them in nacho cheese. She also loves bean and cheese nachos and Spicy Italian Subway sandwiches. She also loves fruits and salads. I notice, too, that when she eats these things, she eats them in moderation. She will eat less and more healthy things the rest of the day. Then she gets herself out to ride her bike or walk or whatever. I've watched her (especially when she started losing weight, went from a size 9 to a size 5 in less than a year) and how she tends to balance everything she does.
So, I'm going to learn to walk that beam every day! Hey, I've always loved gymnastics, anyway!!!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Of course, this is a lifestyle change and not a diet. So, I guess there will never be an end. Why is it so much easier to eat stuff that's not good for us, high-fat, high-calorie, low fiber foods? Everything is so easy for us, what, with all the fast food places and restaurants, etc. We really don't realize all the bad it's doing to us. So, I've decided that, although, it's unrealistic to say I'll never eat at a fast food place again, I'm going to severely limit it. It's just not worth what it has done to me physically -- and, of course, what the physical aspect has done emotionally.
Although, I've been overweight all my life, it's never been as bad as I am now. I used to be so outgoing, loved to do things with others, loved to go to movies, loved to meet new people. Now, I'm much more introverted. I really don't want to leave the house because of how embarrassed I am because of the way I look. I know, some people say, well, don't worry about what others think, do what you want. Well, unfortunately, that's just not me. I worry way too much about what people think of me. People are important to me; therefore, what they think matters. I want that ability to be around people without feeling self-conscious back! I will take it back!
My plans to get it back, lose weight! I know I'll need to work on it mentally, too, but if I don't have to worry about how I look, I think it will be easier. A lot of things will be easier if I don't have all this extra weight on me. I know losing the weight isn't going to solve all my problems, but it is a start! I'm so glad I don't have to do this alone, too. The 200+ board on the WW site is wonderful! Everyone is always so supportive and so full of terrific information. It's great to know I have friends to help me along the way.
Thank you, everyone!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
My DD has been doing finals this week and got out of school at 11:30. Tuesday, she texts me and says, hey, mom, can we go to Subway. I'm figuring, Subway, sure that can be done. So, we sent and I got a 6" Subway club on wheat, no cheese, no mayo for 5 points, I think it was. No problem!!
Yesterday, she calls me and wants Taco Cabana (my favorite fast-food Tex-Mex food). I told her she was being cruel, she apologized and said she was just so hungry for it. I then agreed. After I hung up, I got on the internet and was trying to figure out the points for tacos, refried beans, rice, etc. Then a strange thing happened, between the time of doing that and actually picking my DD up from school, I decided I didn't really want to eat the fat in the tacos, etc. I took her there, went through the drive-thru, got her what she wanted and what my two DSs wanted and my mom, but didn't pick a thing up for me. When I got home, I ate a piece of grilled chicken, some green beans, and an apple. Wow! It felt so good to be in control and not give in to temptation.
Today, my husband decides we're going out to eat tonight and going to San Lorenzo's (my favorite restaurant Tex-Mex food). Well, I knew I couldn't resist again, so I made sure I had plenty of points for dinner. When we got there, I didn't eat one chip (you know, those endless baskets of chips and salsa you get), not one!! Usually when we go to San Lorenzo's, I get two beef burritos, a taco, and a side order of refried beans and rice. I'm terrified to figure the points on that little meal! Tonight, I ordered 2 tacos (10.5 points), 1/2 cup refried beans (3 points), and 3/4 cups rice (3.5 points). I know this wasn't the greatest choices or healthiest choices, but I knew I would feel deprived if I didn't eat what I wanted. I did remain within my points for the day, and I'm now satisfied where Mexican food is concerned -- at least for another week!
So, even though the choices weren't the healthiest, maybe it wasn't such a big downfall, maybe it just helped me realize that I can eat out once in a while without totally going off the program. I guess we'll see for sure tomorrow when I weigh in. I know this has to be a lifestyle change and never going out to eat is unrealistic, so I have to figure out how to do it and remain OP.
This is a start!
Monday, January 12, 2009
I decided last night that I was going to faithfully start walking every day, but this morning came and, as the day progressed, I almost talked myself out of it. I was going to walk on the Tread Climber this a.m. early, after I got my DD off to school, but my boss called and had to have a job by early afternoon. So, I spent the morning getting that out. Then I was going to walk after I got dinner thrown into the crock-pot. It was a beautiful day outside, temperatures up in the upper 50s; but then it was time for my soap. (I only watch one -- I know it was an excuse...). I was then going to walk between picking up the little boy my mother takes care of and picking up my DD from her clarinet lesson, but then there really wasn't enough time. So, I had pretty much decided not to walk.
I then got to thinking that I'm never going to get into the habit of walking if I don't start. I could probably think of hundreds of excuse as to why I can't or don't want to or whatever. So, I got the leashes on the dogs, my iPod in my pocket, and out the door I went. Of course, walking two dogs at once can be a little rough. They never want to go the same way, but things were okay until one of them spotted a squirrel. I thought he was going to drag me down the sidewalk. I got him back in control and then there came a cat. Off he tried to go again. But we walked a mile in 35 minutes. I know that probably isn't very fast, but it's great for me. Here I am, it's 56 degrees outside and I'm sweating. I didn't wear a coat, just a long-sleeve shirt, and I'm still sweating. Does that tell you how out of shape I am? But....
I noticed an amazing thing. I was only able to walk twice last week, once a mile around the neighborhood and once on the Tread Climber, but, today, I wasn't as worn out when I got home. I couldn't believe it. This is only my third time to walk, but I was already noticing a difference. Wow!! I also recovered much quicker than I did last week. I'm just amazed. So, not only do I feel good because I walked and have a lovely endorphin high, I feel like I can do it again without worrying about it. YEA!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I've decided to change my blog to a website where I can do more than blog. If you want to follow my journey, please go to http://home.comcast.net/~dhild1. I tried to transfer the blogs I've written so far here, and they're backwards, instead of oldest at the bottom and new at the top, it's reversed...
Hope to see ya there!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Boy, was I glad, too! I had lost 5.2 pounds. So, even though I was very stressed, I was able to stay OP. That's what counts. I am really working hard this time to stay OP and get rid of this extra person I'm carrying around -- large extra person.
I'm also thinking seriously of doing a freewebs site. I would like to upload progress pics and the like. I know that you can upload pics here, but there's other things I'd like to do like stats, goals, etc. Can you add two web addresses to your WW profile? I guess I'll be checking into that.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Although, I've been sitting at my computer alot, I'm still remaining OP, which is great for me. The only thing that I really need to do is make time for exercise. I really like the way I feel when I exercise, but it's just so hard to convince myself to do it. I did great the first couple of days, but now I'm just not motivated to exercise. I wish I could afford a Y membership, then I would go swim. I love to swim, so in the summer, our backyard pool will definitely get use. I just don't want to wait until the summer to start. If anyone has any ideas of what I can do to really motivate myself, I would love to hear about it.
Oh, I almost forgot. I made Salsa Chicken in the crock-pot and it was wonderful!! It works out about 5 points per serving (I think). You serve it over rice, and it was very tasty! I will definitely be saving that recipe.
Well, now it's back to work!
Monday, January 5, 2009
I also worked out at the grocery store today. I'm sure people thought I was crazy or really confused as I trekked around the store. After I walked around for a half hour, I then actually looked for the items I needed. :-D Now I need to figure out what to fix for tomorrow and how to eat the rest of my points since I still have 20. I have to quit skipping meals (purely by accident). It makes it so hard to get all the points in. I really need to eat some fruits and vegies today!
So far it's not been hard to follow the program and I'm remaining OP, but it is hard to get all the points in. It's been very filling and, even though I didn't eat lunch today, I wasn't that hungry at dinnertime. I guess that's why eating "filling foods" is such a good thing. Well, off to eat a piece of fruit...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
But I did it, I walked for 35 minutes at a high intensity (for me). I'm paying for it now because I already feel my muscles tightening up. Emotionally, though, I feel great! I'm beginning to wonder why I hate exercise so much. I do believe that's beginning to change!
Here's a picture of Ricky (white) and Poochie (brown). They're best friends -- and worst enemies. :-D
Yesterday was great -- even if it was tiring. I was on OP although I had to work to get my points in since I didn't eat lunch. I sure can't do that again. It makes it way too hard to get them in.
I think I will be taking the dogs for a walk today, first one, then the other. That way I'll get my 30 minutes, plus I won't fall over the dogs. They don't walk with each other very well. Either way, walking, here I come!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I searched out a meeting with the leader I had back about six years ago. I loved her! I was amazed today that she remembered who I was. Six years ago, along with her help, I lost 100 lbs. Here's to the same kind of determination and will not only to lose that (since I gained it back and then some), but to go all the way to goal, then lifetime. Who knows? Maybe I'll even check in to being a leader. :-D
After the meeting, I went grocery shopping. Man, do I hate to grocery shop, especially on a Saturday afternoon. Grocery shopping will no longer be done by me on a weekend! I did buy a crock-pot, though. I know that I get really bored because I get into a rut eating the same thing all the time, then I lose determination and "will power" to stay on program. I figure with a crock-pot, I can put the food on and then ignore it all day, but have something good to eat for dinner. If anyone out there reading this has any good crock-pot recipes, I would love to hear from you.
Anyway, Day One is almost over. I haven't eaten all my "points" yet, so I need to figure out what to do. It's too late to eat a bunch. :-D
Friday, January 2, 2009
First and foremost, I want to be healthy!
I don't want to put off going to the doctor because I'm embarrassed about my weight. I want my blood sugar to be normal with no help from medication. I want my cholesterol to be normal without taking pills. The medication has gotten it where it needs to be, but I'm tired of taking pills. I want my blood pressure to be great without help.
I want to be more active!
I want to be able to walk my dogs without being exhausted. I want to be able to walk to the top of they high school stadium seats without feeling like I'm go to die and sit trying to catch my breath for 15 minutes after I get up there. I want to go on hikes in the mountains (first I have to get to the mountains since I live at sea level). I want to run in a fun run for some charity. I want to ride a bike. I want to go roller skating again. I want to take my daughter horseback riding. I want to walk along the beach feeling the sand between my toes. I want to job with my husband. I want to sky dive (although you would probably have to push me out of the plane.)
I want to wear nice clothes!
I want to wear designer clothes (well, not that I would, I just want to be able to.) I want to be able to walk into any store and just pick something I like off the rack. I don't want to just settle for clothes because they happen to fit. I want to wear jeans that actually zip and snap instead of having an elastic waist. I want to wear cute workout clothes (sports bra with spandex pants). I want to wear shorts. I want to wear tank tops and sundresses.
I want to do more things with my family!
I want to sit in the floor cross-legged to play games. I want to play basketball or tennis or whatever they want to do. I want to be able to run up and down the high school stadium stands taking photographs of my daughter with her friends in the band. She'll be a senior next year, so band is coming to a close so much sooner than I'm ready. I want to go on a cruise with my husband and not self-conscious about how I look. I want to travel.
Other things I don't know how to classify:
I want to ride amusement park rides, especially roller coasters. I want to go into a restaurant and be able to sit in a booth without being squished between the booth seat and the table. I want to cross my legs when I sit down. I want to wear boots. I want to be able to wear my wedding rings again. I want to be able to drive my car without my stomach touching the steering wheel with the seat being all the way back. I want to be able to sit in the back seat of a car without having to worry about whether the seatbelt is going to fit. I want to be able to fly without having to buy an extra ticket or worrying about not fitting in the seat. I want to be able to take a bubble bath, instead of a shower. I want to go spelunking and not worry about a tight fit.
As you see, this list could go on and on and on. I know I could probably do some of these things even with the weight, but I always feel so self-conscious about how I look. I wouldn't dream of wearing a swimsuit in public, but I love to swim. I know this is a lot me, but I've also heard what people say when "large" people wear swimsuits or shorts, etc. I guess I should just learn not to let what other people think bother me, but I don't see that happening any time soon. So, as I lose weight, I'll keep this list in mind to keep me on program!
I also have to admit, after exercising, I feel better -- I know it's those wonderful endorphins!! I thought I was going to die for a few minutes afterwards; but, hey, it's the first step!
I am heading for WW tomorrow, but am actually starting today watching what I'm eating, journaling, etc. I know the routine and, starting today, I'm back to following it (except I haven't eaten anything for breakfast and that's not good).
Teresa, go eat and then go exercise!!!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Some may ask what brought me to this realization at this time in my life. Well, besides just being so tired of being overweight, I had a traumatic experience (at least for me) this November when my daughter decided to get married in Las Vegas. I was so happy for her and excited to go to her wedding. I happily called the travel agent and booked our trip.
Next, I needed something to wear to a wedding (I don't ever dress up). When I went shopping, surprise, I couldn't find a thing to wear that looked even halfway decent. All these beautiful dresses and I couldn't fit into any of them. There wasn't time to order them online from a "specialty" store, so I had to settle for something I already had. I was so upset, I cried all the way home. My husband, bless him, couldn't understand why I was so upset. He's never had a problem with my weight. I don't know how I was so lucky to find a guy like him.
Then came the flight. I'm a happy land dweller, but I was going to have to fly. I didn't think much about it when I called the travel agent and made the reservations, but then I remembered hearing about airlines causing "customers of size" to purchase a second ticket. They would tell people right there at the counter that they were too big and had to purchase a second ticket. I called the airlines and spoke with them about what they classified as a "customer of size." She told me the determining factor is whether or not I could put the arm rails all the way down. Well, you have to understand, I have flown twice in my entire life. I didn't know whether or not the arm rails would go down or not and was scared to death I would get to the airport and told, you're too fat, you need to buy an extra ticket. In fact, I was mortified about the whole idea. The more I thought about it, the more fearful I became. So, my wonderful husband said just call the airline and go ahead and buy the extra seat and then we wouldn't have to worry about it. Well, I did and I still cried and was very depressed.
Then came time to leave. We got our tickets and boarding passes. The airlines issued extra documents for me, one preboard document and a "seat reserved" document. One good thing, I got to preboard so had a choice of seats. :-D I got on, got the seat belt extender, found my seat (my youngest daughter was with me), put the "reserved" document in the seat next to me and, lo and behold, I was able to lower the arm rests, barely. I felt better, but still very nervous. Then the flight attendant got on the PA talking about how the flight was going to be full, etc. I saw a man signal her, point at the empty seat next to me, and her whisper something to him. They weren't ugly or anything, but it singled me out and I was embarrassed. When we landed I was so relieved.
Then there we were in Las Vegas. Although, we rented a car, traffic was horrid so we walked a lot of places. Being my size, needless to say, I am completely and totally out of shape! I was exhausted and couldn't keep up with my kids or husband. I felt like I was holding them back from doing the things they wanted to do because they had to wait for mom. Shelby, my youngest, wanted so much to ride the rides on the Stratosphere, but her dad doesn't do well on rollercoasters and I couldn't ride them with her because I wouldn't fit in the seats. We encouraged her to ride them by herself, but she said that just wasn't any fun. I felt very guilty about not being able to ride with her, especially since I love rollercoasters.
I have to say, though, the wedding was beautiful. Melissa was an absolute beautiful bride and Justin was very handsome. Then we were on our way home. I vowed I would never fly again until I can just get on the plane and not have to worry about whether I was going to be able to fit in the seats.
I know there are a lot of people out there that are ugly and just say things like, well, you did it to yourself because you're lazy, eat too much, and various other things; so why are you whining? I know I've let myself get this way. Most "normal-sized" people just don't understand how hard it is to lose weight. I'm not one to lay it off totally on genetics, but I had a stepsister I grew up with who could eat anything in any amounts and never gain an ounce. I could smell food and gain weight. I have two sons who are basically the same way, one who eats lots of junk and never gains an ounce and the other who looks at food and seems to gain weight. So, there is something to the "genetic" angle. I'm not saying it made me overweight because I made me overweight, I'm just saying that it just doesn't help when you try to lose weight. Please don't jump on me about this being my fault, I already know and that definitely doesn't help. I am more determined than ever to get this weight off of me. It's killing me physically (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, Type II diabetes) and emotionally. Although I've always been overweight, I used to be much more self-assured and confident than I am now. I want that back!!
So, here I go. I will be starting Weight Watchers on Saturday. I know their program works because it has helped me in the past. I need to work on being an emotional eater (I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, depressed, whatever). I need to always remember that "if hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the answer." I'm going to try to blog every day in hopes that if I put my feelings here, then I won't be tempted to go grab something to eat. I also hope to chart my progress here and put down my goals, etc.
If you've read this to this point, thank you! I can use all the encouragement I can get. This is not a "pity party," it's me just trying to deal with my feelings in a much more constructive way than stuffing a donut in my mouth!